• Apologizing just to keep the peace

    Apologizing just to keep the peace

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    Top Rated Discussions. Log In. Tagged Discussions. Twice this week, within the space of two days I have apologized when it wasn't even my fault and afterwards I am like kicking myself for being so damn weak and stupid! I mean if it wasn't my fault then why should I apologize? Am I the only one who does this?

    do you ever apologize, just to keep peace?

    I just want a quiet, unconfrontational life and rather than cause an atmosphere or create a confrontation that I avoid at all costs, I will give in and apologize and yet the two people I apologized to, didn't even have the grace to accept my apology in the way it was given, they were in the wrong in the first damn place and yet their attitude stunk which left me feeling afterwards why did I bother? I used to do this when I was a teen, I would cross swords with my father so many times, but I am a stubborn whatsit, I guess it's because I am a Taurean, I would refuse to apologize to my father even though I was in the right and yet because it caused a bad atmosphere my mum used to beg me to apologize to him, and I hated that I couldn't understand why I had to apologize for something that wasn't my fault Do you do this?

    Apologize just to keep the peace? Or feel it's always down to you to apologize first? Have you ever had to make an apology which stuck in your throat, and you would rather walk over burning hot coals in bare feet than stoop to apologizing to someone that didn't deserve an apology?

    Oh wolfie, you're not still fuming over apologising to me for bringing the strawberry ice cream round the other night are you after I'd called you a stingey ice cream hogger. Well I refuse to apologise, I was in the right, you were flaunting your ice cream and thus to blame. I only apologise when I am in the wrong. No I lie, I apologised to the dentist the other day that my tooth was so difficult to get out and she was in there for nearly two hours, but that was a dentist wielding a hammer.

    I too like the peace but don't get confrontational in the first place. Hi Thea, I had truthfully forgotten about it! But thanks for reminding me I shall indulge tonight ;0 But you are different, putting that in the nicest possible way, I know where I stand with you, it's just some people really goad me, you know! I guess I let people get to me too much, but I guess I am still raw with all the confrontations I used to have my ex.

    Stand up right my friend. Good day I admire your outlook in life. For me it kind of depends on the person and on the situation. Generally,I don't apologize for something that I haven't done, I mean why? If it's my fault then no problem I will apologize but if not then why would I? It's going to be unhealthy for apologizing to something that I didn't do and also by letting the one who is in fault to get away with it. We as people have responsibility to our actions and we must not tolerate ourselves and other people to get away with their mistakes.

    On the other hand if it's my parents or love ones well if the apology would help improve the situation or circumstances even if it isn't my fault then I can do it for the sake of that person. Love is more important than apology. Sometimes just a simple apology can save so much hurt, misery and unpleasantness especially if you live with someone or your loved ones. You are right it does really depend on the person and the situation.

    I just like a quiet life, I guess there is nothing wrong with that. I used to but not any more, well, sometimes but said in such as way as not to be an apology more of a sneer. Mr Croc has learned to apologise just for being, mainly when all three girls are here.

    He knows we love him though so mainly stays out of the room saying he can't cope with all four of his females. I used to apologise to keep the peace if anything had upset my parents but that's all. Yes I am the peacemaker and because I have apologized so many times it sort of becomes second nature! I don't think I apologize to keep the peace. Rather, if I feel like I've done something wrong, then I'll apologize.It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

    I repeated the mantra in my head over and over again. I set it to a tune. I hummed it in my mind. It felt like it was about me. In fact, it felt like I was under attack. There was a larger story at play.

    apologizing just to keep the peace

    It had gone on for years, and my attempts to get anyone to even acknowledge my viewpoint, were futile. David struggled with this as well. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me.

    I am forced to restore what I did not steal. Relationships are messy. And Jesus clearly understood. In fact, he specifically instructed us on what to do should we find ourselves in a disagreement with others. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right.

    Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

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    To God, who is at fault is not the question. It is about making things right, regardless of who is at fault. I know—it seems impossible.

    But, as believers, we are called to a higher standard. Called to love others as we would like to be loved—not as we are loved. A much different thing. The truth is, there is an art to disagreeing. The meaning, and the methods used, may not be clear in the beginning.

    Often, the person who suffered the mistreatment will be the one who is forced to end the argument with no apology from the other side. Showing grace and mercy to another who has offended you is not only an incredible gift to that person, but a living testimony of how your Savior would treat you. And, that alone, sisters, is enough to break the silence.

    Article taken from LauraPolk. Used with permission. Laura Polk is a freelance writer and textile designer residing in North Carolina with her husband and three children. Her passion for storytelling that speaks truth inspires her to create fiction that is both compelling and thought provoking.

    apologizing just to keep the peace

    She blogs at www.We become indignant, defensive, or lash out at others, none of which does anything to improve the situation. Click to tweet You are taking responsibility for improving and moving past the situation at hand.

    Responding with righteous indignation often escalates the tension and does little to resolve the situation. Posted on February 10, by Randy Conley. Great points, but be certain that there is not an ounce of sarcasm in the apology. Sometimes one can be misinterpreted as just trying to stop the conversation by apologizing. There are few things that smell more sour than an insincere apology, which serves only to add insult to injury for the offended party.

    So it is definitely worth a moment for the person who has made that mistake to track back in time: What is the foundation of the problem and what is their own role or responsibility? Were errors or false or misleading expectations set in the first place, leading to this awkward situation? Has one bad move lead to another? While hindsight isit should not be underrated as a learning opportunity.


    I have always said, as my friends and colleagues know: Do not ask me a question unless you want to hear what I truly think. If you want platitudes or cover ups, knock on another door.

    Whether the head of a company I worked for or a peer, I have never hesitated to be truthful, even at the risk of facing retaliation or criticism for honesty. That is not to say there is no room for tact: one learns quickly that it usually does not go well when rudeness and honesty are paired. There is also a responsibility in honesty to have thought thoroughly about a situation from all possible perspectives. False remorse in the form of an insincere gesture reads as cheap lip service.

    The bottom line: try to be forthright in the first place. Avoiding it sometimes only leads to having to face a more difficult situation. If honesty is the policy, a true and gracious apology bearing genuine responsibility should be able to be explained. Quite often I then retaliate and make things worse and then feel as though it was my fault for the entire thing.

    An apology is only effective as the action that follows it. Is that sufficient? It must remembered that a true and sincere apology means having and expressing the insight of how what one has done has affected the other person. Wet sage advice! Have used the approach successfully over the past two decades.

    Builds trust in teams as well as with strategic partners and customers alike. Thanks Bruce. Apologizing to someone who feeling were hurt because they though you have done something wrong, when you know you did not, is a powerful way to model love and kindness. Great point Mark. I think that goes along with the point of valuing the relationship more than being right. I was in a similar situation,I was asked by my wife to apologize to my step daughter for saying stop being so disrespectful.Welcome to Baptist Boarda friendly forum to discuss the Baptist Faith in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to all the features that our community has to offer. Discussion in ' Archive ' started by christineMay 20, Baptist Christian Forums. We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless! Top Posters. Joined: Feb 12, Messages: Likes Received: 0. I do not. I'm always accused "you never apologize! I do apologize, but only when I think I am wrong. How many people apologize just to keep peace, and why?

    Joined: Mar 19, Messages: 1, Likes Received: 0. Yes, I apologize to my wife all the time On the other hand, if you apologize only when you think you're wrong, perhaps you're wrong more than you think you are.

    apologizing just to keep the peace

    Finding fault within yourself can be difficult at times - especially in the heat of the moment. I refuse to lie and say I was wrong, when it is not true.

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    Sometimes the truth hurts, so I may apologize for the hurt, but never the stating the truth. I hate someone to apologize to me just to pacify me. It's insincere and unfelt. BTW my husband hasn't figured this out yet. He'll apologize and then get mad when I don't return it.

    Why apologize even when you’re not sorry

    Joined: Jan 13, Messages: Likes Received: 0. I believe that when I go from talking about something to arguing about it, then I am wrong. Even when I was correct in the first place. I have no right to argue. So, yes, I always appologise after an arguement. Joined: Jul 24, Messages: 3, Likes Received: 0. I don't find myself apologizing for things unnecessarily, no.

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    I think, though, we too often hear an "I'm sorry" as an apology, when it isn't always. When I say something that hurts someone, even if what I've said is true, and they tell me they're hurt, I will tell them that I'm sorry my words hurt, but that I don't feel any less strongly about what it was I said.

    And that's often the truth. I am sorry they feel bad, but that doesn't always mean I made them feel bad. It's not an apology; rather it's a recognition of their feelings in response to my statements. Kelly, I think may be a "girl thing". I do know husband are notorious for apologizing, no matter what. I'm just wondering why? I think girls apologize to girl more often, then to men.When was the last time you apologized to someone?

    Was it heartfelt or did you do it just to keep the peace? Do you find that as you get older you apologize more readily or you have a harder time admitting you were wrong?

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    Its been a while since I aplogized to someone. And when I did it was heartfelt ,to some extent, because I did do it to make peace ,but rarely do i apologize. You shouldnt be apologizing all the time. And As I get older I find it harder to apologize because i find that people say and do things they really mean. If they don't deserve your apology, don't apologize.

    You may be stopping them from recognizing what they are really doing by you just taking the high road and apologizing. In the end you still might suffer more and you are apologizing for it? No way. If it effects you ,stand up for what you believe, at least more than you do. I used to be a peace maker and people just walk all over you if you let them.

    I've lost a very good friend because he will not accept my constant apologies for what I did to him. It's probably the most heartfelt apology I've ever felt myself give before, but he constantly rejects it.

    I'm so crazy about it that I very oftentimes find myself in the most random situations and I'll constantly say to myself, "I'm so sorry, so-and-so Nope anyone human makes mistakes.

    It takes a strong person to appologize. However you usually know when a applology is required. Does get kind of old when people appologize for every little thing they think offends someone. Just watched pulp fiction again.Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She recently launched a Mindfulness Kit to help reduce our stress and increase our peace and joy. For daily wisdom, join the Tiny Buddha list here.

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    It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Click here to read more. See more Posts. Web Twitter Facebook More Posts. Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :. Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper. Recent Forum Topics Lifelong crush… maybe destroyed? Is he disinterested? What should I do?

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    Alcohol Feeling ashamed and being shamed of never having been in a relationship Struggling with guilt. Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Back to Top.What if you suspected that your apology wouldn't satisfy the person? Would you still try anyway? I do agree that one's ego should not prevent the words. My question is more about the meaning and weight of those words if they are given without conviction.

    To assume this is a "holier-than-thou" issue is inaccurate and demonstrates a poor understanding of the question and the situation. It is not right, nor very "friendly", for one "friend" to attempt coerce another into anything; apology, communication. True friends don't act in that manner. I don't think an insincere apology is really an apology at all. It is just empty words. I have had people say to me, "I'm sorry that you got upset I'd rather not hear an apology at all rather then some lame blah, blah, blah nonsense.

    Or, how about "I'm sorry I said that, but if you No, assuming that this person is a friend, I think a sincere attempt to make peace without compromising your position, might sound something like this, "I want to settle this peacefully so that we can continue to be friends, however, I do not feel that I did anything wrong, so I hope you will accept my sincere regret that we had a falling out, and is it possible to let the past be the past and move on with our friendship?

    When you apologize you're humbling yourself and acknowledging that you did something wrong letting go of pride and admitting you're capable of mistakes, see why so many people have problems giving out apologies? If you don't know what you did wrong or understand why it was wrong, then you're just LYING to the other person, not because you care about their feelings, but because you don't want them to be angry at you though it is 'honorable' that the person is humble enough to offer an apology at all, the person giving a fake apology is in effect still being selfish and you're setting yourself up to repeat a mistake again in the future, because you don't know why that thing was wrong to have been done in the first place and don't really understand why you should avoid doing it in the future though, for some things some people can just fake it, like not mentioning a certain topic because they know that makes someone angry even if they don't know why it does.

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    What you should do is walk a mile in that person's shoes, or discuss the issue and at least try to understand why they feel the way they do. I think Venus has more to do with apologies than Mars and Mercury, but then I could also see the Moon, Saturn, Jupiter and Neptune possibly also since they're about sensitivity, society, peace.

    You know which ones go where. I would only apologize to keep the peace if its a very small issue or that I would never see that person again. Its useless sometimes to argue over something small and sometimes someone has to step in and apologize to settle it.

    Otherwise, it would not be very fair if you apologized for something you did not do. The apology would be degraded in that it was not earnest, but assuming its a friend it would not all be for nothing. Saying an apology to a friend would still have importance since you don't want to have an argument ruin your friendship. If someone chose to apologize without really wanting to, it would be meaningless.

    If the other person thought they were not worthy of forgiveness, there would still be no point in apologizing because it would be seen as superficial, even if it was actually felt. I only apologize when I do something wrong. Yesterday I was in a fight with my mom and told her "I wish you would die.

    I don't want my mom to die at all. I'd rather her be alive, but I need to watch my mouth more often instead of being so mean. However, I apologized to my mom and told her I didn't want her to die. I did something wrong, so I apologized for it. Uttering a silly little word is not going to take such a huge chunk out of your ego, hopefully. So why not just say it so the idiot will get off your back about it? It's no sweat. I use to do that allllllllll of the time.

    Capricorn Mercury, Scorpio Mars, Sun in 7th house prolly the reason why I would do that and it wasn't good or healthy for me or the other person. I didn't care as much as they did about who was right or who was wrong, I just wanted there to be peace. She however saw things as "I win, you lose" and she'd never admit when she was wrong.


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